I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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