12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
