Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
