Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
