oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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