Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
