Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
