feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
