At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Randomize
