Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
