Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
