You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
