i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
