I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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