Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
