she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
