I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
