Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
