ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
