I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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