I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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