I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
