i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
