i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
