i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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