is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
