I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
