what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
