life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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