dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
