end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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