i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
