Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
