i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
