a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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