I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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