the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
