On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
