my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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