lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
