im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
