Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
