We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I still have a little drunk in my system
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
