He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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