I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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