I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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