Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I enjoy the company of your penis
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
