if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
