You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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