Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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