their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
