ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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