did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We named our party play list daddy issues
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
