is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
