I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
