So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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